The Legend of Zelda: The Speedrun of Time
by EvaXephon
Summary: What would the narrative of a Zelda game be like during a speedrun? How would glitches affect the story of the game? Maybe it would go something like this...


"Hello, Link! Wake up! The Great Deku Tree wants to talk to you! Link, get up!"

The boy shared the haste of the fairy that urged him to awaken, but he could not currently control his movement. This moment in time was predetermined; he would not gain the ability to move of his own will until the winged ball of light had introduced herself.

"Hey! C'mon!" the fairy cried, flying erratically above the sleeping boy's head. "Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?"

The boy rose from his slumber, rubbed his eyes, yawned, and lazily shifted to a sitting position on his bed. His leisurely motions belied the impatience with which he listened to the fairy's introduction.

"You finally woke up! I'm Navi the fairy! The Great Deku Tree asked me to be your partner from now on! Nice to meet you! The Great Deku Tree has summoned you! So let's get going, right now!"

At the very moment the fairy finished speaking, the boy sprung from his bed and dashed towards the doorway of his wooden home, rolling on the floor to expedite his exit. After exiting his home, he looked down at the ground below to see a green-haired girl running toward his abode.

"Yahoo! Hi, Link!" The girl said, waving her arm in greeting.

The boy did not acknowledge her, nor would he ever. Instead, he put his back to her and performed a backflip to jump off of the platform that he stood upon. He landed on the ground gracefully and instantly began to walk backwards at a very brisk pace; more briskly than he could travel when facing forwards. He counted his steps as he walked backwards and then jumped towards his right at the exact moment that he reached a hill which would lead up to the "Training Yard" of his village.

He paradoxically rolled up the hill in one swift motion and then turned around so that he could continue to walk backwards. He back-flipped over three wooden fences without ever being able to see them, earning seven rupees which manifested on his person through no discernible method. He then turned around and began to crawl through a small tunnel which led him to the secret part of his village where the Kokiri sword was hidden. Once again, the boy walked backwards and jumped sideways as he navigated through the environment, paying no attention to the giant boulder that perpetually rolled throughout the area.

He reached the large treasure chest that held the Kokiri sword, opened it, leaned forward and withdrew its contents. He held his arms above his head and the Kokiri sword levitated above his palms for several seconds before he abruptly equipped it and then recorded his progress within his memory.

The boy brought existence to a halt and then resumed it, causing him to materialize in his bedroom. He left his home without wasting time, once again back-flipping off of the platform and walking backwards to traverse his village. He did not head towards the Great Deku Tree as the fairy had bid him to, but instead he traveled into the Lost Woods.

The boy began to roll repeatedly, traveling with haste through the hollow horizontal tree trunks of the woods. He eventually reached a clearing with a small pond. In the pond, there was a small stone structure with a hole in it which could only be accessed underwater. At this point, the boy performed several extremely precise movements in order to put himself in a very specific location. He walked into a corner, rolled forward, back-flipped, rolled to the right, jumped to the right, rolled forward, jumped to the left, rolled into another corner, drew his weapon from its scabbard, struck the wall in front of him, jumped backwards, and jumped to the right, landing with his feet in the water of the pond.

In this extremely specific location, he was then able to perform a jumping slash with his sword which caused him to phase through the stone structure in front of him and swim through it, after which he instantly arrived at a body of water in Zora's River.

The boy wasted no time in swimming to the surface of the water. Once he was back on solid ground, he proceeded to jump and roll over archways and bridges before dropping into the river and then swimming hastily towards Hyrule Field. With the current of Zora's River pushing him forward, he arrived in the expansive plains of Hyrule very quickly. He turned his back towards the distant Hyrule Castle and once again walked backwards and jumped sideways until he reached a ledge with a wooden fence.

He jumped sideways off of the ledge and, while still in midair, performed another forwards jump and swung his sword toward the wooden edge, which then propelled him backwards into a river. This action granted him perpetual motion, and he slid out of the river and across the ground with no friction whatsoever towards Kakariko village, ascending the stairs toward the village without ever raising his feet at all.

Once in Kakariko, the boy promptly began to travel to all corners of the village gathering stray Cuccos and carrying them toward a pen beside a woman who was exhibiting very clear emotional distress. The boy put a total of seven Cuccos into the pen, which elicited an immediate change in the woman's demeanor.

"Thank you for finding my Cuccos," the woman said with very apparent gratitude. "I have allergies, so I get goose bumps when I touch them. For helping me, I will give this to you. It's fine glass, and should be useful. Please take good care of it!"

The boy held his arms aloft and beheld a glass bottle that levitated above his palms. After admiring his prize for a few moments, the boy swiftly walked backwards until he came across a rock. He picked up the stone and quickly threw it against a wall to remove it from his hands, interested only in the treasure that was underneath the rock - three insects. As the bugs scurried about, the boy quickly swung his new bottle downwards and captured one. As soon as he had confirmed the catch, the boy recorded his progress, brought existence to a halt for the second time that day, and once again materialized in his bedroom.

This time, after rolling out of his home and back-flipping off of a platform, the boy made his way towards a hollow tree trunk where one of the Kokiri played shopkeeper. He hopped across three stone platforms to cross a small stream, inexplicably earning 5 rupees in the process, and then back-flipped over an overgrown tree root and rolled into the entrance of the store, paying no attention to the girl above him who was trying to teach him about some kind of philosophy for targeting one's enemies.

Once inside the store, the boy dashed around the counter and into a dark corner where he found the shopkeeper's hidden stash of five rupees, bringing the total number of rupees he held to 42 - most of them were discovered while wafting through the current of Zora's River, although it was not apparent why the waters were rife with currency.

The boy quickly approached the shopkeeper and purchased a wooden shield before promptly rolling out of the shop. Once outside of the humble store, he turned in the direction of the Mido, the Kokiri tasked with guarding the Great Deku Tree. To cross the stream that stood between him and Mido, the boy leapt through the air and swung his sword vertically at the apex of his jump to add to his momentum, covering more distance than the laws of physics would normally allow him to. After performing this maneuver two times, he stood before Mido, and equipped his new shield before talking to him.

Mido was unable to respect any of his peers who did not possess a fairy, and had long antagonized the boy for being without a companion. Even after expressing his shock that his rival now possessed a fairy, Mido was prepared to deny the boy entry to the Great Deku Tree on the grounds that he did not possess a sword or shield; however, Mido was quick to realize that the boy was now armed with a blade and equipped to defend himself. Begrudgingly, Mido let the boy pass.

The very moment that Mido stepped aside, the boy began to roll, shuffle, and jump through the natural corridor that led to the Great Deku Tree. Before long, he encountered three Deku Babas which were slain by his blade almost as quickly as they sprouted from the ground. The boy collected Deku sticks from their remains and advanced forward, where he finally beheld the Great Deku Tree that had sent Navi to him earlier in the morning.

The ancient tree began to speak to him, but the boy did not listen. He had no desire to let the old plant interrupt his momentum, and waited impatiently until a gaping hole appeared on the trunk of the tree, providing him with an entrance. He shuffled backwards into the tree without any intention of speaking to it ever again.

Once inside of the Great Deku Tree, the boy dashed towards a nearby Deku Baba and executed it with a jumping slash attack. The Baba yielded Deku Nuts to him upon its death, which the boy held above his head in triumph before equipping a Deku Stick and Deku Nut and proceeding onward. The boy approached a wall covered in vines and began to climb, deftly dodging Skulltulas on his way up. He eventually reached the highest point of the Great Deku Tree's interior, walked towards a ledge, threw a Deku Nut to stun a large Skulltula coming at him from above, and then performed a nearly suicidal jump from the ledge to a spider web below.

The landed in the center of the web, and as it began to stretch and tear from his weight, he performed a back-flip to leap off of it so that he would not fall through it as it broke. He then faced a nearby Deku Baba, raised his shield, and simultaneously rolled forward while blocking as the Baba attacked him. This maneuver provided him with a tremendous amount of backwards momentum which sent him flying down the pit that the giant web had covered.

Once in the pit below, the boy spotted a stone cube, which he quickly climbed to survey his surroundings. He faced a torch that was slightly too high off the ground for him to normally reach, and performed a mid-air jumping attack from a rolling start, causing his sword to strike the torch. Immediately after hitting the torch with his sword, the boy withdrew a Deku stick from his belongings, which immediately burst into flames at one end. With his newly lit stick, the boy approached another large spider web, kneeled down to set it on fire, and fell through another pit. While falling, he performed a jumping slash in midair, causing him to strike a wall and ricochet off with tremendous momentum. Once landing on solid ground, he wasted no time in approaching three Deku Shrubs, which promptly fired their nuts at him. The boy deftly reflected their attacks with his shield, striking them with their own projectiles. The third of the shrubs prattled nonsense at him which he ignored before entering a door that slid open at the defeat of the three shrubs.

Once through the door, the boy entered a giant chamber and immediately looked at the ceiling. Above him, he beheld a monstrosity - an abomination whose body was made entirely of pincers, claws, and teeth. It hissed and twitched and met his gaze with its single soulless eye, which rolled around in its socket before blinking with determination and bloodlust. The monster clambered across the ceiling before dropping down in front of the young boy, who did not flinch as the beast let out a guttural roar and snapped its maw open and shut greedily.

The boy walked forward and touched the beast, incurring an injury from it. He was now on the precipice of death; he could withstand exactly one more attack before his life was extinguished. He then threw a Deku Nut, which blinded and stunned the giant arachnid, allowing him to mercilessly stab its eye. The boy only struck its eye enough times to ensure that his next attack would take its life, and then backed away and allowed it to escape. The monster scuttled off and clambered up a pillar, returning to the ceiling, where it opened one of its orifices and began to squeeze egg sacs out of its body. The boy waited patiently for the eggs to fall, and coldly shattered each egg with his shield as they hit the ground. After he had destroyed the last unborn child that the spider threw at him, the beast fell from the ceiling to face him. The boy immediately threw a Deku Nut to stun the monster once again and then jumped forward and attacked the beast with his sword.

At the precise moment that the boy struck this fatal blow with his sword, he also came into physical contact with the beast, taking damage from its jagged, barbed body. The boy's own life was extinguished the moment that he slew his enemy. Despite the fact that he was dead, the boy actually remained on two feet as the monster swayed around in its death throes. The abomination finally fell to the ground and disintegrated, leaving nothing more than a still-beating heart in its place, and a shimmering blue portal nearby. After the last traces of his foe's body had vanished, the boy gripped his chest, fell to his knees in pain, and collapsed, his young life cut short.

The boy then materialized at the entrance of the Great Deku Tree, jumped sideways, performed a shield-roll as he was attacked by a Deku Baba, and was flung back into the chamber where he burned a spider's web. Without showing any signs that his death had slowed him down, he leapt down the pit, returned to the large room where he had fought and killed the giant spider, and then promptly released the bug that he had caught in his bottle back in Kakariko village. After releasing the cork of the bottle, the bug instantaneously and inexplicably performed poly-fission meiosis and split into three bugs.

Immediately after releasing the bug - or bugs - from his bottle, the boy then scooped up one of them. With his freshly caught bug in tow, the boy back-flipped towards a glowing portal that had appeared near the spot where the giant spider had been slain.

He back-flipped onto the edge of the portal, took out his sword, took out his bottle, and held it up to his lips like an ocarina. There he stood for several seconds, miming the act of playing an ocarina while holding a bottle containing a bug.

Following this, the boy ran towards the wooden door from which he had entered the room, and then brought all of an existence to a halt, four times in a row. After doing so, he walked sideways into the door until he phased through it, passing into another place in another time.

The boy emerged in a shaking yellow room occupied by flaming rubble and debris. He quickly made his way through this room, exiting it through a dark doorway that teleported him to the most noteworthy scene of his journey thus far.

The young boy was now standing on the highest level of Hyrule Castle. The walls around him were shattered, and the ceiling above him was simply gone, revealing the dark, grayish-brown sky of seven years in the future. Standing before him was an imposing man with crimson hair, shattered armor, and a tattered cape as red as blood. His head was thrown back and his arms were cast toward the sky, as if in exasperation after a crushing defeat. The man fell to his knees and then collapsed to the ground with a heavy thud, sending up ripples of dust around him. The boy watched curiously as the man's cape clipped through his body when he hit the ground.

The boy looked up and beheld a shimmering pink crystal floating down from above. He could see the silhouette of a woman within the crystal. As the crystal touched down onto the same floor that he stood on, between him and the fallen red-haired man, the crystal faded away, allowing its occupant to become fully visibly - it was the Princess of Hyrule herself, Zelda.

"Ganondorf...pitiful man..." the princess said. It was clear from the expression on her face and the tone of her voice that she held contempt for the King of the Gerudos. "Without a strong, righteous mind, he could not control the power of the gods...and..."

A sudden rumbling interrupted Zelda's eulogy.

"Link, listen to me!" The princess said, addressing the boy for the first time. "This tower will collapse soon! With his last breath, Ganondorf is trying to crush us in the ruins of the tower! We need to hurry and escape! Please follow me!"

Perilously narrow walkways that shook more with every passing moment. Flaming debris that fell ceaselessly from above. Neither of these obstacles presented a challenge to the boy who had manipulated time and returned from death. The boy and the princess quickly made their way through the collapsing castle; this time, the boy did not travel backwards or sideways, knowing that it would do him no good; he would have to wait for the princess to proceed before he could go further, as only her mystical powers could open the gates that the Gerudo King tried to trap them with as they moved through the castle.

Halfway through their escape, the princess was suddenly caught in a ring of fire as two skeletal warriors rose from the ground in a last-ditch effort to stop their escape. The boy drew not his sword, but a Deku Stick to combat them with. He brushed the stick against the bodies of the skeletons, which shattered apart almost instantaneously once touched by the wooden object. The princess unfathomably rewarded the boy with rupees for doing so, and then the two of them continued on their way.

Finally, the duo reached the exit of the falling structure. They ran out of the castle mere moments before it came crashing down, sending clouds of smoke and debris rippling outwards.

"It's over...it's finally over..." the Princess said between exasperated gasps for air. However, the boy knew that the end had not yet come.

"Link...I'm sorry I couldn't help you in the battle before!" the fairy said, the first words that she had spoken to him since rousing him from his slumber twenty minutes ago.

Their tender moment was shattered by a worrying rumble that came from the rubble of the collapsed castle. The princess gasped and the boy instinctively put his arm in front of her to protect her. After several moments of tension, the boy rolled forward towards the rubble to confirm his suspicions. As he drew closer to the rubble, a wall of fire suddenly sprung up between him and the princess, separating them - such treachery could only be the work of one man...

Ganondorf burst out of the rubble, levitating upwards into the air, panting heavily from his grievous wounds. He was enshrouded in darkness, and the boy could only see the man's black silhouette and his glowing yellow eyes. Ganondorf raised his right hand, and the sign of the Triforce of Power appeared upon it as the King of the Gerudos called upon its power one last time. Still floating in midair, he brought his arms and legs together and curled into a fetal position before unfurling his body as he was enveloped by a brilliant light. The light obscured what happened next, but through his squinted eyes, the boy could see the man's body twisting and contorting, re-shaping and transforming into something that was not human. Ganondorf grew in size, becoming a towering monstrosity even taller than the giant spider the boy had fought minutes before. His red hair erupted into a crimson mane that flowed and waved like fire, and two giant horns emerged from his skull, curved and jagged. His glowing yellow eyes remained, but the rest of his face twisted into something resembling a demonic boar. His arms grew thick as tree trunks, and from his hands, there sprouted two mighty swords, each of them twice the boy's size.

Ganondorf had forfeited his humanity and had become the personification of evil itself, all to vanquish the boy that had taken everything from him. He roared and swung his swords wildly, knocking a blade from the boy's hand - the Master Sword flew out of his grasp, even though the boy had never actually procured the blade. The sword landed in the ground near the princess as she watched on, powerless to assist her savior.

"There's no way he's going to hold me back again! This time, we fight together!" Navi said.

However, her assistance would prove to be unnecessary. In the most anticlimactic moment of his life, the boy drew a Deku Stick, rolled between the legs of his enemy, and performed a jumping attack on his tail. He then performed this action two more times, and the monster formerly known as Ganondorf collapsed to the ground in agony.

"Link! The Master Sword is here! Hurry up!" the princess called.

The boy rolled toward the sacred weapon and grasped it in his left hand, where it instantly took the form of a small dagger identical in appearance to the Kokiri sword.

Ganondorf found the strength necessary to rise to his feet once again, just as his young adversary was upon him. The towering beast swung his weapons at the boy, who deftly dodged by rolling between his legs and striking his tail with the Master Sword in one swift motion. Ganondorf's misuse of the Triforce of Power proved to have an adverse effect on his mind, because the giant proceeded to fall for the same trick four more times in a row.

After the fifth time he was struck by the Sword of Evil's Bane, the corrupted Ganondorf fell to the ground. He snarled at his foe, daring the boy to take another step forward, but before either of them could make a move, a beam of light suddenly shot into the beast's face. The boy turned to behold the source of the light - Zelda!

"I'm using my power to hold the Evil King! You use your sword and deliver the final blow!" she said, exhaustion dripping from every syllable she spoke.

The young boy watched as the silhouette of the Master Sword glowed in his hands - it did not match the size or shape of the weapon that he held, but he knew that the power of the Sages was now his to wield.

The boy rapidly slashed his sword three times across the face of the Evil King, drawing his ire more and more with each attack. Ganondorf raised his weapon to counter-attack just as the boy lunged forward to deliver the final blow, a stab that pierced so deep, Ganondorf could no longer resist.

The abominable creature ceased to fight back, and began to flail his arms in fury. He swung his weapons through the air, reeling in pain as he lamented his defeat.

The boy gave a heavy sigh, his task complete.

Twenty-four minutes. A new world record.

Now, all that was left to do was upload the video and...

"...Oh, shit."

He forgot to hit the 'record' button.


End file.
